Have you ever heard the expression “it takes two to tango?” Well, now I believe it.
I used to think that if one wanted to learn any dance style,
tango included, one needed only to practice…with or without a partner. You can always dance with an imaginary
partner, I figured.
Not true.
This past Saturday I got to attend a milonga for the first
time. A milonga is a tango social
dance. I don’t know much about it yet,
but I’m learning bits and pieces. For
example, when a gentleman asks a lady to dance, it is customary to dance three
songs together in sequence, called a “tanda.”
At the end of each tanda, the music plays a “cortina” (curtain) in a
different musical style, to signal the end of the tanda. If a partner says, “Thank you” at the end of
one of the songs but before the final song of the tanda, it is a polite way to
say that they don’t want to dance the rest of the tanda with that dance partner.
I learned this last point of tango etiquette in an amusing
way. I was blessed to have some fabulous
dancers ask me to dance even though I was a complete newbie. After one dance with a gentleman with an
excellent sense of rhythm (who turned out to be a drummer—that explained it!),
I had enjoyed myself so much that at the end of the dance, I instinctively
exclaimed, “Thank you!” simply to express my gratitude for the dance. He cocked his head and with a confused look asked,
“Do you want to keep dancing?” “Oh, I’m
enjoying myself tremendously. I’d keep
dancing as long as you wanted to!” I
answered, with great gusto. He grinned
widely and explained the point of etiquette.
Mortified, I apologized profusely.
He laughed and assured me, “I thought you might not have meant it that
way. That’s why I asked.”
What I discovered in the course of the evening was that
tango is all about trust and the art of connection. It is all about the communication between the
leader and the follower. He must take bold,
decisive steps so that she can feel where they’re going. She must pay attention to his cues, his hand
placement, the way he is angling her.
She must relax in his arms and let him lead her. She must trust him, because she is almost
always dancing backwards, blindly, and with no idea what is the next sequence
of moves that he has in mind. But if he
is a strong leader, she can trust him and enjoy the surprise of what
enfolds. I felt this connection, this
communication so much more with some partners than with others. My greatest delights were the moments when something
happened that was unexpected to me but that my partner had apparently planned
out, and he softly muttered, “goo-ood.”
But since I’m a tango newbie, all too often I would realize too late
that I had missed a cue. Thankfully, one
excellent dance partner in particular, who took great pains to explain moves to
me and teach me, also had a gracious way of reacting to my errors: he would
silently smile when I missed my cues. My
only correction was the good-natured curl of his lips, but it gently gave me
all the feedback I needed, and we tried again until I heard the soft, “goo-ood.”
The relationship between a man and a woman, or a husband and
a wife, has often been compared to a dance.
As I reread the previous paragraph, I can certainly see some helpful
parallels and life lessons for these relationships. Life works best with a strong leader and an
attentive follower. Two leaders would
not work well together, nor would two followers. We are not created identical but
complementary, each with a special role to play. God, may you bless me with a dance partner
for life itself, and may we move in one accord, with gentleness and trust. As we grow on the dance floor of life, may we
be patient and gracious with one another, so that we might enjoy the process of
becoming more and more one, creating a beautiful, unified, living, moving work
of art.
Shazzam! I am so glad you continue to write! And I am glad you're sharing it publicly!
ReplyDeleteI definitely agree that the whole dancing experience is better with a partner; I was just considering that practice can occur without one.
Good luck practicing the art of connection without a partner, sir! Hahaha. In all reality, you are quite right: you CAN practice dance steps without a partner. The thing is: now that I’ve finally tried tango, I see it’s about so much more than a sequence of steps. So I suppose the question is: what is it that you want to practice?
DeleteThank you for being my biggest cheerleader for practicing the art of writing. I know you bless all those around you with such encouragements (as long as they will listen)! You are Mr. Literature, for sure, and I’m blessed to call you “Friend!”