When Things Go Wrong

I should be contra dancing right now.

But sometimes, things don’t go as planned.

Sometimes, something dreadful goes wrong.

Sometimes, it’s just something small, a first world problem.

Last night, I had a tire blow out while driving with the kids in the car.  That felt biggish to me.  Not cancer big, and not homelessness big, but it was big enough.

It was big enough to get our adrenalin pumping, reminding us of our vulnerability to accidents and even of our mortality.  But it was precious that when my son’s voice began to take on a worried tone as he exclaimed, “Mom, that’s our car!  It really doesn’t sound good!” I told the children, “Well, how about you pray while I focus on finding a place to pull over?”  And my two children did pray.  And God kept us safe.

It was big enough to be hungry because we couldn’t eat dinner until 9:30pm that night.  But it was such a proud moment as a mother to realize that the kids made it through a couple of stressful, hungry hours without significant fights, bickering, or complaining (until the last ten minutes, anyway) before stumbling back into our home, tired and hungry, but home once more.  Can it be possible that all the times I tell them that we need to be kind and respectful to one another even when we feel irritated and unwell are finally starting to sink in?  Well, that’s probably a bit much to hope for.  I’m sure we’ll have plenty of relapses (all three of us).  But I was still proud of them last night.

It was big enough to remind us of what life is like without a car.  I had to cancel appointments today and rearrange plans.  But it inspired gratitude to realize that we do usually have functioning wheels, and what a blessing that is!  And while it took longer than expected to get our car back (leading to the fact that I could not leave York on time, and am thus missing my beloved contra dancing at this very minute), the fact remains that I do have a car.  Tomorrow I am free to wake up at a crazy early hour and commute to Philly on my own timetable to chauffeur the kids to their co-op before getting myself to the office.  Those wheels represent freedom.

It was big enough to have to rely on friends for help after AAA towed our car to the mechanic.  Initially when the tow truck driver asked if I had anyone I could call to pick us up, I said, “Well, I’m a single mom and my family's back in Philly,” but then I realized that I have, indeed, been blessed with kind and generous friends I could ask, even here in York.  It was such a precious blessing, then, to realize I have friends who are willing to change their plans and step in to help us when needed.  After a stressful couple of hours, the embrace of a warm hug brought such sweet relief I couldn’t help but exclaim, “L, you’re a lifesaver!”

There is always the “it could have been worse” approach to comforting oneself when things go wrong.  For me, I was struck at God’s mercy that the tire didn’t blow out earlier in the evening.  I knew it was going to be a busy night.  Things were timed and staggered just right so that I could drop my daughter off at ballet, turn around and drop my son off at basketball practice, turn again to pick up my daughter just as her ballet class ended, and finally go pick up my son again from basketball.  We were finally all reunited after the running around, heading towards our late take-out dinner when the tire blew.  I was just so thankful that the tire didn’t blow earlier in the evening, because that would have stranded one or both of the children!  “It could have been worse” always exhibits God’s mercy in action.

I once had an unpleasant week where I had to work on a Monday and a Wednesday, and the kids and I took turns passing a sickness back and forth on Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday, with short respites in between.  When I shared with my sister how merciful God had been in timing it all so that I would not have to miss work at a time when I really needed the income, she remarked with a grin, “Heather, only you would thank God for the way He scheduled your sicknesses!”  But I do think that God cares about those details, whether He works them out in a way that matches our desires or not.

When things go wrong, it’s annoying (or worse).

When things go wrong, it’s enlightening.

It illuminates our true beliefs.  Do I really believe that God is sovereign?  Do I really believe that He is in control of all things?  If so, then I will pray and not worry.  (In reality, I did both last night.)  If so, then I will accept that the changes in my plans are part of His Plan.  Maybe then I will feel less self pity and be more watchful for what God is doing instead of the plans I thought were best.

I know I’ve grown far more from the things that have gone wrong in my life than from the things that have gone as planned.  Does God sometimes love us so much that He allows or even causes things to go wrong for us so that we will grow?  I know I’d never ever EVER choose to be inconvenienced, much less pained.  Even after seeing the growth in my life produced by past pains, I still wouldn’t choose pain on any given day.  I’m just not that saintly.  But God chose it for me, and He is good.  Of course, He’s not the author of evil and we can’t blame sin on Him.  Ultimately, all pain comes from sin, whether we can easily point to an injustice from a clearly identifiable person, or whether we have to trace it all the way back to Adam and Eve and the Fall and the curse (Genesis 3).  But God has proven Himself capable of turning sin on itself and using it for His own good purposes, as at the end of one of my favorite stories in the Bible, when Joseph sincerely told his brothers who had sold him into slavery, “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.”  (Genesis 50:20)  Yes, maybe God does sometimes cause things to go wrong, from our perspective, anyway.  He certainly allows it, but if I've learned anything about His character, He is good and He can be trusted.

Now, will I react this peacefully to the next event that goes wrong?  Probably not.  I’m a lot like my kids.  I might have a shining moment, but I’m sure I’ll have relapses too and I always need to learn my lessons more than once.   But at this moment, even though I’m not contra dancing, I know I’m OK.  (And in case you don’t know it, that’s a powerful statement for me to confess!)